When last I blogged, I was celebrating Moo’s fourth birthday. I’m gearing up for the celebration of Dubya’s eighth(!). Clearly, I am not the best of bloggers. So what has happened since then, you ask?
- I taught my kids the diarrhea song. Clearly, this was not my best parenting moment, but after Moo having multiple bouts of diarrhea, we needed a moment of lightness. Now my kids follow me around the house singing various incantations of the diarrhea song.
- Moo was pronounced to be significantly buffer than other kids that our doctor sees. To which we responded: DUH.
- We celebrated Christmas. It was fun. There was lots of fun, food, festivities. Yay Jesus.
- Kids and I celebrated the New Year with a party of our own since Hollywood Boyfriend Jeremy Renner was protecting and serving.
- Hollywood Boyfriend Jeremy Renner bought a guitar and a death metal distorter. He follows me around the house while strumming. I haven’t killed him. Yet.
- My bestest friend Em-uh-lee presented me with the most amazing thing I have EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE.
So good, right? SO GOOD
- And we had to have the sex talk with Dubya. THANKS A LOT BILL NYE.
Dubya and Hollywood Boyfriend Jeremy Renner were watching Bill Nye debate Ken Ham last night. I was getting ready to head downstairs to do some laundry when Dubya informs em that Bill Nye said something ‘totally disgusting’. That something ‘totally disgusting’ ended up being about fish having sex with each other. Or themselves.
I’ll spare you the nitty gritty other than to say that I stuck with the basics and ended with a stern warning that while I am trusting him with this knowledge, other parents haven’t talked to their kids about this yet and he needs to make sure he doesn’t talk about it to other kids. Just like his knowledge of Santa Claus. Although, I did about choke to death when he asked me what was in sperm. I followed the whole discussion up with a reminder that regardless of how embarrassing or disgusting something might seem to him, he can always ask me and I’ll do my best to answer.
It was one of the most awkward conversations that we have had thus far. (A close second is when we were sitting in the lobby of the gymnastics studio and he asked me if he was all bloody when he came out of my stomach. His horror at the fact that he did not come out of my stomach is legendary.)
I still want to know how I am the one who always gets stuck handling the hard questions while Hollywood Boyfriend Jeremy Renner is off frolicking, all nimbly bimbly, without a care in the world.
- And there is not really a bullet point to be made here, but just a shout-out to a relative: GET OFF MY BACK MONKEY, I blogged.
And that, my friends, is the end of the catch-up.